We had a momentous day yesterday. Well. Kinda.
Last year when B-rex's school found out he had two moms they released a memo to all parents that birthday party invitations would not allowed to be given out at the school. This was in direct conflict with the original policy; when doing birthday invitation you can bring them to school, but you have to be sure every child receives one. The reason, according to the memo, was the the "school could not control outside circumstances". This policy was ONLY for B-rex's class, the rest of the school was never change or even notified.
This was a HUGE blow to us. We had just had a meeting with the headmaster and teacher where we were informed that we were not understood, welcomed, and threatened to the harmony of the school. I felt incredible guilty that my choice to be honest and not lie about our family structure, led to B-Rex being punished. By the way I hand picked this school and in the end spent almost $8,000 for him to go to preschool there.
So we've obviously moved on, we're in public schools now where they aren't allow to discriminate. Haha! B-Rex is doing well. He's even made a best friend who loves dinosaurs as much as him. What are the odds of that! We were invited to his dinosaur birthday party this weekend. I've been anxious ever since we got the invitations. B-Rex BFF is Brazilian and most solid Latino families have very strong religious roots. I have been so worried our presence will alienate B-rex, that we would offend the extended family, or that..well I could go on and on. Needless to say I didn't want B-rex punished because of Mama A and I. Again. I went as far as to ask Mama A to sit this one out. She reluctantly agreed, because understood the reasoning. It just felt wrong to do that though. We're such a intricate family unit that with out one of us we loose our strength. When party time came we decided to just go all in "Take me baby, or leave me" We packed up the presents, and we went to celebrate B-rex BFF's #5 birthday.
WE HAD A BLAST. The mom offered help with first time home buyers grant, the dad had funny, engaging stories, the grandmother intoduced all the different foods to us, she told Mama A "I don't know much english, but eat, eat!" One of the guest was a pastor who's daughter was in B-rex's class last year, he invited us to his church on his way out. Before we left we exchanged numbers and made promises of playdates.
I feel silly for stressing so much about this pary, when it went so well. If I could just know what everyone's reaction to us would be everytime, it'd be a lot easier. Though, I supposed that would take the fun and teaching moments in life.
Now we have our next birthday party Saturday, we're already trying to decided on a gift.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Possibly Pregnant
When I started this I mention that the Little Lady and I had made another pregnancy attempt and were waiting for the results. We’ve checked and checked and the tests keep coming back negative. Now this wouldn’t be our first time to get a negative, we’ve actually gotten very accustom to it, but she’s over 45 days into her cycle. Mama A, as much as we love her to pieces, has been overtly sensitive lately. I tend to be rather insensitive. It’s been difficult. It also has me thinking, what if she is pregnant. I know, I know that’s the plan, but when I really think about it I start to get anxious.
Am I really ready to be up all night? Can I handle 2 a.m. CVS runs for Tums and chocolate covered raisins? And the back rubs. Thank god mom is a massage therapist, I can pay her to do most of those, that’s not insensitive right? I really do owe her though. Mama A turned into Mama Slave when I was pregnant. She had to learn to laugh in my face convincingly enough to make me laugh when I was on a hormone induced tirade. That is no easy task. The baby stuff I got down I’ve been taking care of babies for years, and I do such a good job I actually did it for a living once! It’s the pregnancy part. Or more the non-pregnancy role I have in this situation. It makes me nervous that I won’t be as loving or as patient as Mama A was with me. I have some big shoes to fill.
Am I really ready to be up all night? Can I handle 2 a.m. CVS runs for Tums and chocolate covered raisins? And the back rubs. Thank god mom is a massage therapist, I can pay her to do most of those, that’s not insensitive right? I really do owe her though. Mama A turned into Mama Slave when I was pregnant. She had to learn to laugh in my face convincingly enough to make me laugh when I was on a hormone induced tirade. That is no easy task. The baby stuff I got down I’ve been taking care of babies for years, and I do such a good job I actually did it for a living once! It’s the pregnancy part. Or more the non-pregnancy role I have in this situation. It makes me nervous that I won’t be as loving or as patient as Mama A was with me. I have some big shoes to fill.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
This fight again?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/15/proposition-8-trial-witne_n_425137.html
When I saw this headline I was psyched. "Proposition 8 Trial: Witness Testifies Kids Do Fine With Gay Parents" WOO HOO! Show 'em that scientific evidence!
Then I read on. The witness did not discuss the findings that LGBT parents tend to be highly involved in their children’s education. ( http://www.familyequality.org/resources/publications/backtoschooltool.pdf ) Nor was anything brought up about the research showing that children with a permanent home (LGBT or otherwise) do far better than children in foster or state care. (http://www.glaad.org/Document.Doc?id=39)
I hear you saying it, "Well Mama T what did they talk about then, I'm to lazy to read the article" Don't worry, I'm usually to lazy too, though I did this time. The great argument that was presented in court was: Drum roll please..... Gays don't molest and beat children all the time!
Are you F*ing kidding me? I mean really, we're still fighting this battle. They compared us to Catholic Priests! "We have all read about the reports of widespread priestly abuse in the Roman Catholic church and the litigation that has been spawned by those reports," the judge said. "How do you square your statement with that phenomenon?" I mean not only am I offended, but I'm sure the Pope would be too. You know, this is the point where I would love to delve into to the profile of a child abuser and point out that it's not "homosexuality" if a grown man assaults a young boy, it's pedophilia, but that would just be a rant inside a rant.
Okay, enough run on sentences. The comments made from the opposition are just ridiculous.
"We can also agree that men can't breast-feed, and breast-feeding clearly has benefits for children in that it provides sources of immunity that are beneficial to children," Thompson said, raising his voice. I really would like to address this. My sister-in-law is queen of the flying nipples. She breast-feeds everywhere. I mean every where, whether it's at home on the couch or at a Japanese steak house over a $50 plate of filet mingon. If anyone has "nipple confidence" it's her. Can you guess how many times we've gone out and she's been "asked politely" to quit breastfeeding. Almost every time. Breast-feeding is not publicly excepted in out society anymore. Mr. Thompson stating that two Dads not nursing is detrimental to a baby is boloney. I'm taking a chance here to say that if I flew my nipple confident sister-in-law down there and she feed that baby in all her glory, Mr. Thompson would be offended or even insulted. Side note: a lot of straight couples don't breast feed their adoptive children either, should we ban them from adopting too?
I get that we, as a community, are more remembered for our leather chaps or steel-toe boots. We've pushed the gay movement by being loud and sometimes abrasive. I'm here and I'm queer. Look at me I won't conform to your gender rolls. That's not all we are. We are people who love despite differences. People that have been forced to look beyond stereotypes. People who have faced the challenges of breaking a mold, and are stronger and more knowledgeable because of it. Aren't these the founding principle of this country? Are we not here because we fought against oppression and strived for equality? There just seems to be a lack of common sense in today’s culture.
I know that at the Boston's Pride Parade I'll have to divert my son's attention as the New England Leather Alliance walks through, but when he sees the other young children being pulled in a wagon by their two moms or dads, we get to point and say "Look he has two moms too!" I, We, need that to not be a special event. It needs to be common place.
When I saw this headline I was psyched. "Proposition 8 Trial: Witness Testifies Kids Do Fine With Gay Parents" WOO HOO! Show 'em that scientific evidence!
Then I read on. The witness did not discuss the findings that LGBT parents tend to be highly involved in their children’s education. ( http://www.familyequality.org/resources/publications/backtoschooltool.pdf ) Nor was anything brought up about the research showing that children with a permanent home (LGBT or otherwise) do far better than children in foster or state care. (http://www.glaad.org/Document.Doc?id=39)
I hear you saying it, "Well Mama T what did they talk about then, I'm to lazy to read the article" Don't worry, I'm usually to lazy too, though I did this time. The great argument that was presented in court was: Drum roll please..... Gays don't molest and beat children all the time!
Are you F*ing kidding me? I mean really, we're still fighting this battle. They compared us to Catholic Priests! "We have all read about the reports of widespread priestly abuse in the Roman Catholic church and the litigation that has been spawned by those reports," the judge said. "How do you square your statement with that phenomenon?" I mean not only am I offended, but I'm sure the Pope would be too. You know, this is the point where I would love to delve into to the profile of a child abuser and point out that it's not "homosexuality" if a grown man assaults a young boy, it's pedophilia, but that would just be a rant inside a rant.
Okay, enough run on sentences. The comments made from the opposition are just ridiculous.
"We can also agree that men can't breast-feed, and breast-feeding clearly has benefits for children in that it provides sources of immunity that are beneficial to children," Thompson said, raising his voice. I really would like to address this. My sister-in-law is queen of the flying nipples. She breast-feeds everywhere. I mean every where, whether it's at home on the couch or at a Japanese steak house over a $50 plate of filet mingon. If anyone has "nipple confidence" it's her. Can you guess how many times we've gone out and she's been "asked politely" to quit breastfeeding. Almost every time. Breast-feeding is not publicly excepted in out society anymore. Mr. Thompson stating that two Dads not nursing is detrimental to a baby is boloney. I'm taking a chance here to say that if I flew my nipple confident sister-in-law down there and she feed that baby in all her glory, Mr. Thompson would be offended or even insulted. Side note: a lot of straight couples don't breast feed their adoptive children either, should we ban them from adopting too?
I get that we, as a community, are more remembered for our leather chaps or steel-toe boots. We've pushed the gay movement by being loud and sometimes abrasive. I'm here and I'm queer. Look at me I won't conform to your gender rolls. That's not all we are. We are people who love despite differences. People that have been forced to look beyond stereotypes. People who have faced the challenges of breaking a mold, and are stronger and more knowledgeable because of it. Aren't these the founding principle of this country? Are we not here because we fought against oppression and strived for equality? There just seems to be a lack of common sense in today’s culture.
I know that at the Boston's Pride Parade I'll have to divert my son's attention as the New England Leather Alliance walks through, but when he sees the other young children being pulled in a wagon by their two moms or dads, we get to point and say "Look he has two moms too!" I, We, need that to not be a special event. It needs to be common place.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Introductions please....
Welcome all! I'm Mama T, wife to Mama A, mom to B-rex, surrogate to my Intended Fathers (IF's).
Mama A and I recently celebrated our one year anniversary. We have reverted to calling ourselves Team T&A, this all because we can't decided who is going to take who's last name, should we hyphenate it, should we settle on one and what about B-rex he's got his father's last name would he feel left out? This thought process could go on for years, and it has so I'll drop it for now. We've started trying to conceive (TTC). It's super fun! There are some things in life I could die happily if I never came in contact with it again, but we have to work with it on a monthly basis. The worst part is waiting to see if anything takes. I believe we are on our eighth try this week. I'll give an update at the end of the two week wait (TTWW).
B-rex, if you haven't guessed already, loves dinosaurs. Not just love but LOVES them. I can't even remember how it started, some time around the age of 2 when his father and I separated. He found something and CLUNG to it. This year was the first Christmas we were able to get something other than dinosaurs for him. I'll tell you it's really out of the box thinking; alligators and dragons. "No not dinosaurs, Mama I want something brand new - reptiles." He's wise at the ripe old age of 5, and insists that he could teach me a few things. I always thought my mother was the champion of I-told-you-so's, but he's giving her a run for her money nowadays. It was always important for me to instill logic and reasoning into my child(ren) but now this reasoning has lead to many instances of me saying "because I'm your mother and I said so". The road to nervous breakdowns is paved with good intentions.
I'm a surrogate as well, well not a pregnant one. I mean I was last year and I should be this year but I'm stuck in limbo right now. The decision to be a surrogate was to help the LGBT community. I had donated eggs before mainly anonymously and mainly for straight couples with heart wrenching stories of infertility. I wanted to do something big though. Something I could be really proud of, something my family and community could be proud of. Mama A and I have strong family values and with my connection with infertility we talked about having a baby for a gay couple. It was a great plan we were so excited, I called up the agency I had done my egg donation through and said give me some gays! I'm gonna carry their baby. The response (I believe this is a direct quote) Sorry, we're fresh out of gays. It was funny, I still went ahead with it we found a lovely local couple who had been through a lot and blessed them with a 9lb baby boy last January. After I went back and the gays were finally in stock. We matched up (Mama A and I, I mean it is a family affair after all) with a great set of guys that we just as young and excited and in love as we are.
Mama A and I recently celebrated our one year anniversary. We have reverted to calling ourselves Team T&A, this all because we can't decided who is going to take who's last name, should we hyphenate it, should we settle on one and what about B-rex he's got his father's last name would he feel left out? This thought process could go on for years, and it has so I'll drop it for now. We've started trying to conceive (TTC). It's super fun! There are some things in life I could die happily if I never came in contact with it again, but we have to work with it on a monthly basis. The worst part is waiting to see if anything takes. I believe we are on our eighth try this week. I'll give an update at the end of the two week wait (TTWW).
B-rex, if you haven't guessed already, loves dinosaurs. Not just love but LOVES them. I can't even remember how it started, some time around the age of 2 when his father and I separated. He found something and CLUNG to it. This year was the first Christmas we were able to get something other than dinosaurs for him. I'll tell you it's really out of the box thinking; alligators and dragons. "No not dinosaurs, Mama I want something brand new - reptiles." He's wise at the ripe old age of 5, and insists that he could teach me a few things. I always thought my mother was the champion of I-told-you-so's, but he's giving her a run for her money nowadays. It was always important for me to instill logic and reasoning into my child(ren) but now this reasoning has lead to many instances of me saying "because I'm your mother and I said so". The road to nervous breakdowns is paved with good intentions.
I'm a surrogate as well, well not a pregnant one. I mean I was last year and I should be this year but I'm stuck in limbo right now. The decision to be a surrogate was to help the LGBT community. I had donated eggs before mainly anonymously and mainly for straight couples with heart wrenching stories of infertility. I wanted to do something big though. Something I could be really proud of, something my family and community could be proud of. Mama A and I have strong family values and with my connection with infertility we talked about having a baby for a gay couple. It was a great plan we were so excited, I called up the agency I had done my egg donation through and said give me some gays! I'm gonna carry their baby. The response (I believe this is a direct quote) Sorry, we're fresh out of gays. It was funny, I still went ahead with it we found a lovely local couple who had been through a lot and blessed them with a 9lb baby boy last January. After I went back and the gays were finally in stock. We matched up (Mama A and I, I mean it is a family affair after all) with a great set of guys that we just as young and excited and in love as we are.
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